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"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
07 November 2012 @ 03:48 pm
I wanted to go to University, earn a good degree, take that to teaching and set up a life for myself and Connor. This was my aim. I did not foresee that when I started my course I would find a man of which would somehow catch my attention. I was sworn off men. I didn't think it were possible. And yet I did. So I told him how I felt for him, feeling that it was coming between us. He told me he was interested too, that I was the most amazing girl he'd ever met and that he was only not wanting a relationship because he wanted to concentrate on his studies. I was in the same situation, so I got it though obviously it still felt like a sort of rejection. Then all of a sudden he started acting really coupley; sending mushy texts saying how happy I was making him, putting his arm around me, pulling me onto his lap, snuggling up close, holding my hand, stroking my knee... We'd be talking and there would be that buzz, that moment right before a kiss, but the kiss was redirected and he'd kiss my cheek or my forehead. I thought he was changing his mind.

He wasn't. He told me that he'd started acting that way to comfort me. whatever that means. But you can fake many things in life... that moment, where I felt the chemistry between us and knew he wanted to kiss me. That was real. It can't be faked. And now he's ignoring me, acting as though I'm not there. In group situations etc he is phasing me out, not laughing at my jokes when I say them, but liking when others quote the same joke afterwards. Not looking at me at all when we're all talking, and yet watching me in lectures when I'm sat away from him. It literally makes no sense. And it hurts. LOTS! So what do I do?? What can I do, to make him see what he's doing, and react in a more normal way? Fuck it...in truth, I still want him to decide he does want me afterall.
 
 
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
22 September 2009 @ 11:58 am
I love James. I love Connor.
That's all
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
02 June 2009 @ 09:24 am
Dan and I broke up three weeks ago. Then we met up as friends and had a ridiculously mixed up night. Then he said he didn't wish to talk. Then I had a pregnancy scare, which he said he'd be around for. He wasn't. Instead he bullied me. Then he came round, apologised and said he missed me. We had a 'last kiss.' Then he came round on the Saturday to take the test with me, and it was negative. I said "You know what's funny... I'm happy with that result..." and he responded with "But you know one day we'll be twice as happy with the opposite one?" and it was magical, because it's what I'd been feeling. Then we slept together. Then I found out he'd been seeing someone. Then he came to see me. Told me he was seeing yet another girl. But he also still said he dreamed of one day us being together again. He said he was over me. On the Saturday, I gave him back all the stuff to do with us, the presents, letters, clothes, pictures... I asked him to look after them. He was devastated and said he didnt want to talk to me again. Now, he still wont talk to me. And, he's been flicking from love to hate for weeks, and all I've done is tried to be understanding, tried to be his friend. I reckon maybe he finds it easier to move on this way. Or, he doesnt feel the guilt. Or remember what he's lost.

None of it makes sense. We were SO happy. I've text after text where he's telling me he's the happiest he's ever been, telling me he's the happiest guy in the world and that every day he thanks his lucky stars that he's the guy for me.

I shan't be contacting him again. So sick of him pushing me away. I plan on going back to Brighton in a few weeks. To me, that's where the true love began. He was my everything.

I'm moving on though, living life. And, I'm meeting up with my ex, Matt in a minute. Which is weird. We saw eachother last night, for the first time in over a year. It didnt feel weird in the slightest. We ended the night with a soft peck on the lips. :D But, this isnt how I'm moving on. For the first time, really in my life, I'm happy to exist simply as me. I dont need to surround myself with people. I've found out I'm pretty good company.

So why can't I stop dreaming of 'one day'?
Or asking myself...He loves me? He loves me not?
xxx
 
 
Current Location: School
Current Mood: tiredVERY TIRED
Current Music: None
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
28 January 2009 @ 05:50 pm
So... my life right now....

School: Sent off UCAS application for 5 Universities in London. I'm so unsure of everything though. So scared about being 145 miles away from home, on my own.

Love: Dan and I have been together 5 months now. Everything's amazing. He's amazing. He writes me things, makes special occasions amazing, is so romantic and sweet, with the softest kisses and the biggest, tightest cuddles. I can honestly say I've never been happier.

Family: Dan's my family really. We're going to be together forever... marriage, kids, everything :D

Lizzie, passed away on Sunday... I havent really cried about it. It was horrific. She shouldnt have gone. But... I watched her struggle to breathe on the Saturday night. And, when I heard, Sunday morning that she'd gone in the night, I just felt happy that she's no longer struggling.
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
10 April 2008 @ 02:25 pm
As girls, we strive to find the perfect guy. The one who's attractive, sensitive, funny, kind, loving, honest and easy to talk to. I found him. He's been right under my nose for years, but he was taken and if I'm honest, I never saw the attraction. He was someone I vaguely knew. When I was in the play in November I started spending a lot of time hanging around with my friend Tommy, and therefore Sam. Soon after, Sam and his girlfriend split and, as a friend I was there for him. It was a few weeks after that I realised I was developing feelings for him. We got closer and closer. We were texting each-other every day, all day, and meeting up at every given opportunity. His texts were so sweet, him telling me he wanted my company, though I'd seen him half an hour previously.
Then came a day when he wanted me to tell him how I felt, so he asked me straight out. I told him I had feelings for him, and he explained he was still not over his ex, and though he knew he felt things for me that he didnt for his friends, he didnt want to give me hope and didnt think we would be together any time soon. He was so sweet and honest about it, and really just wanted to make things more comfortable for me.

A couple of days later was supposed to be his band's gig, but it got cancelled and we ended up at his house. Me, Sam, Tommy, Sam's sister Katie, Nick and James. Before we started drinking, Sam and I however shared a kiss. It confused me slightly, but I was aware of the mix of feelings. Then we got drunk, and over the course of the night had a few more kisses. It was so nice to know his feelings were developing. Toward the end of the night, when the alcohol started to wear off, Sam took me aside and told me he was sorry. yes, he had feelings for me, but until he was sure, we couldnt be together because the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me. This was all fair enough, and we all went to sleep. Next morning was a tad awkward, but we were still incredibly close.

A week later was Valentines Day, and I had arranged to meet James, Sam's best friend, as friends. I met him that morning, and we decided we would make a picnic for Sam. We had an awesome day, and Sam... well. I dont think he enjoyed the picnic as we'd hoped. But, it was February and freezing. Nevertheless, we had lots of fun before going to Sam's house to keep warm. Then we all decided we'd have a bit of a Non-Valentines Night. So, me, Sam, James and Kate bought some alcohol and were playing drinking games. Again, Sam and I got together. That night I fell asleep wrapped in his arms in his bed, and woke to him smiling and kissing me. Sober. :D We had a few more smooches before everyone woke up and I went home that afternoon. Sam text me later that day, but I was playing hard to get, and blanked him for a while. He found it impossible. His only way of not texting me was to sleep all day, which, me having deprived him of sleep he found easy.

Then Sam and I went back to texting each-other all day every day. Buut we hit a problem; James, Sam's bisexual best friend, confessed that he was in love with me. This made it incredibly awkward for me and Sam. We spoke about it and Sam asked if I had feelings for James, which I got annoyed at. He should have known where my feelings lay. The texts became less and less over the coming weeks. Then Sam started avoiding me completely. This hurt. This was also around the time I found out about my Step-Nan.

Last Tuesday however I got dropped off down the road from Sams and decided to pop over and sort things. By this point I had realised we'd never be together, and I just wanted to sort a way we could be truly friends. The way we had been originally. Sam agreed he'd handled it badly, and that instead of cutting me entirely he should accept me as a friend instead of a potential partner. I left him alone for a couple of days, and then I text him to say Hello. He didnt reply. So, I left it a few hours and tried to call him. He answered, asked how I was and then hung up on me.

It was then I realised, I couldnt face trying any more. He was avoiding me, getting in touch every couple of weeks to see if I was OK. I couldnt do that. Because, I really have feelings for him. Not petty little fancying, but deep feelings. I dont abuse the word love in the accurate sense. I'm not in love with Sam... but I was certainly heading that way. So, I decided to cut him from ym life entirely. I deleted all his messages, and his number, his MSN, removed him on Facebook... If I could have done, I'd have deleted all the memories of him, because it hurts to be without him.

Now it's been 5 days without any contact with him.

And 5 days without sleeping.

I lay there, trying to sleep, and my mind just wont let me. I just keep thinking of him. Thinking of us. It's tearing me apart. Guys recently have told me they like me, told me they want to be with me, and my thoughts are always the same... that's nice, but I dont want anyone but Sam.

Yet he's been such a twat these past few weeks.

I abandoned my entry Thursday, because Sam walked into the room. he completely blanked me. Then Friday night, I was at a party and my phone rang, it was Sam's friend Ralph initing me out with them all. I declined the invitation. Then I got another call, this time from James' phone, and it was Laura, Sam's ex, telling me Sam wanted to see me, and it sounded like I really liked him. I should go meet them. Again, I declined, and felt angry that Laura had the cheek to ring me.

I text Sam the next day, saying sure, things hadnt worked out between us, but that it wasnt fair for he and his friends to keep getting in touch and aggrivating things. Sam said it wasnt him, and he still cares enough to try and stop them.

Oddly, this gives me a little hope. I stopped dreaming of a relationship ages ago now, but, if he cares, it cant be hard to resurrect our friendship.
 
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
05 April 2008 @ 08:53 pm
I stopped writing to live journal. There were too many things I wasn't strong enough to write down. Reading back over my last entries. I didn't speak in depth about Dad leaving, about the constant missing of him, Mum's suicide attempts, her then chasing men and internet dating. It all was just too messy, too painful. And, writing things down has that inevitable way of making it more real. Sometimes that can be a good thing, but more often that not, it makes us face the things we wish we can pretend are fiction.

Now the time has come however that I need to write things down. Things I need to get my head around. But first, I'll summarise the things I spoke of before.

I've fallen out with Dad. He never seemed too bothered with us anyway, after leaving. I think he thought of us as his duty as opposed to the kids who should have been his life. He came to see 'West Side Story' which I was in in November. I'd worked really hard on it, working with professional dancer/actress/choreographer Sorelle Marsh. Father came to see it, and got the hump that I took too long to say goodbye. Said he shouldnt have bothered coming to see it, because all I did was hold up a pipe, which was definitely not all I did. It hurt so much, to know he could care so little about my dreams and aspirations. We've barely spoken since.

Ruben: Ruben was definitely not the guy I thought he was. he lied to me many times. Alex never cheated on him. Alex, in fact, turns out to be the most loveliest, most beautiful girl I have ever met and we have gone on to become very close friends. We both thank Ruben for that. Him cheating on her with me, without my knowledge, forced us to meet and much to his annoyance, we got along straight away. But, I've let go of the anomosity towards Ruben, mostly, and somehow we've managed to become friends. I drink with him sometimes, we text to see if eachother are OK. But all romantic feelings are long gone. Just, knowing all the bad things he's done to me, and others, makes me appreciate that whilst I cant not have him in my life, I should be extra weary of what he says/does.

My sister has continued to be my rock, throughout everything. I would truly be lost without her. My Mum and I still argue, but, we've been getting along a bit better these past few weeks. I suppose we've had to. There's so much going on... so many awful awful things. Which brings me to now, present day, present problems.

My Grandad's partner Lizzie was told she had bowel cancer. She went through chemo. We thought she was better. But they opened her up, planning on cutting away 3/4 of her liver so the rest would grow back cancer free. The cancer had spread too much, there was nothing they could do. So they sewed her back up again, like she was a fragile doll. A fragile doll with something eating its way inside to out and stealing with it her life. She has a year to live. 47. What a terribly young age to be given a death sentence. You hear on the news all the time, young people dying. But, when you know them... Lizzie's such an interactive person. She likes the finer things in life; poetry, theatre, good music, travelling. She's just like me. And she's 47. We went to see her the other week. She's got so many things she wants to do before she goes. So many things she wants to achieve. If she can achieve so much in a year, imagine all the achievements she could have had given her 'twice three score years and ten.'

Then came another blow. My Grandad was told he has cancer, in his spine, his lungs... everywhere. He hasn't been given as long as Lizzie. Oddly, I'm not as effected by it though. I know I SHOULD be. Blood is thicker than water, that's what everyone says. But, he's 71 and has been smoking since he was 11. And, he seems an old 71 anyway. Obviously it still hurts. He's my Grandad and I care about him. But it almost feels natural, like this is his time. It's like Lizzie's life has been prematurely stopped. Like a show brought to finish before the second Act. Lizzie wants to do so much, and Grandad just seems to be sulking. he also keeps drudging up the past, all those lost years between he and Mum, times when we barely knew of him as a Grandad. I know I shouldnt admit it, but I just know, if it was my other Nan and Grandad in the same situation, I'd be a million times worse.

Still, 47. 47. That's no age to die.

Sorry for the long entry. It seems long overdue, but, I think I'm gonna stay more faithful to livejournal. See it more as a sanctuary, where I can talk freely, without having to fear Im hurting my Mother, or my little brother.
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
Current Music: Colbie Callait
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
OK. I got back from Wales on Saturday. The trip was fantastic. I was a tad scared actually, because I was not overly close to anyone going on the trip. Helena, Lucy and I got talking a bit at the station and I assumed I'd be put in a room with them. But I wasn't. They were taken to a bit of the complex just offf from the main building and I was shoved in a room with two girls from Bewdley, who later would become good friends of mine.
After unpacking our bags we played hide and seek and Faith came and introduced herself to me. We became close automatically. Then later we all went down to the beach, which was great even if we missed the sunset and got completely plastered in mud. On the way back from the beach I started speaking to a guy called Reiss- for a few minutes before I returned to Faith.
Throughout the week I wrote so much poetry and prose, made some great friends, had some great times with Reiss and made an impression on fantastically cool Gerard Benson, the poet. It was such a great week and I wouldn't change it for the world.


Skived the day off school on Monday. I pretended I was sick so I got the day off, then made a miraculous recovery in time to escort Mum to the hospital. She had to have some tests done because she has a lump and they reckon she may have Breast cancer. Now comes the waiting game. We get the test results back on Friday. For now though, I think none of us want to admit just how scared we are. Especially after Dad leaving, we can't take much more.


Christmas soon. Am quite looking forward to it actually. Already I'm singing "Santa Baby" a hell of a lot of the time and planning what I may get people for Christmas.


I have "Hate Me- Blue October" in my head. It's the most gorgeous song and my Ruben performed it in assembley. It was fantastical!!
He's back with Izzy, that you know. But once again, after a mere week he's back to flirting and being suggestive with me. It didn't take him long at all. If he keeps saying he wants me, then why when he's single, does it not happen between me and him? I really don't get it. I really want to know where I stand, but I guess I never will. I can't ask. I'm far too scared of losing him.


Shami came down my house last night. We were just decorating her folder but it was good fun. hehe And we've sorted out the webcam too, so now I can be seen whilst talking.

Oooooooh and lastly, I have a HUGE crush on John Barrowman. He's so hot! Why on Earth does he have to be as gay as a picnic basket at a Christmas party held by Elton John and George Michael in lycra?
 
 
Current Location: School, in IT
Current Music: None... but Hate Me is in my head!!
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
23 October 2006 @ 01:16 am
Why hello there girlies.

Firstly, how are you all? Good? That's alright then!

Secondly, Ruben.... he's split with Alex, as you know. Thing is, he's decided he wants Izzy again, and he and Izzy are together. You know what? If I was to say one person he definitely SHOULDNT be with, it'd be her. She hurts him so much and so often and he comes right back for more. Stupid stupid boy!

Thirdly, I go to Wales tomorrow with the school. Excited yes... packed, No. No?! ARGHHHHHHHHHH Also, thanks to me being in Wales...

Stephy, I love you honey. I'm taking my phone with me. If ye need me for any reason, you've got my number and I love you my precious girly! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hehe Bye for now everyone xx
 
 
Current Location: Planet Random
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
Current Music: Hate Me- Blue October
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
23 September 2006 @ 09:55 am

What's the greatest Snow Patrol song?

You're All I Have
0(0.0%)
Run
0(0.0%)
Chasing Cars
3(75.0%)
Make This Go On Forever
1(25.0%)
It's Beginning To Get To Me
0(0.0%)

What's the best Embrace song?

Gravity
3(75.0%)
Ashes
0(0.0%)
World At Your Feet
1(25.0%)
Looking As You Are
0(0.0%)
Glorious Day
0(0.0%)

Which version of "Hurt" is better?

Nine Inch Nails
3(100.0%)
Johnny Cash
0(0.0%)


This looked fun!!
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
17 September 2006 @ 10:30 pm
Why is it the good people get cheated on? Why is it the Cheaters don't give a damn?

Two questions I just asked myself and Stephy. I had a conversation with my Dad earlier, on the phone. Mum was on the one downstairs talking to Dad and I picked up the one upstairs and just listened. They were talking about me so I told them they were being unfair. Mum put down the phone and me and Dad argued. He doesn't get it.

He says the affair, the cheating, the lying- he says it's all in the past. He doesn't understand that it isn't, because it's bobbing in the present and effecting the future greatly. I told him this and he hung up on me- no word since.

Then Ruben. He's just told me Alex is cheating on him. Izzy did the same thing. It's so unfair. He's the best guy ever, and he always chooses the girl that hurts him.

Why is it the good people get cheated on? Why is it the Cheaters don't give a damn?
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: angryAngry doesn't cut it
Current Music: Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol
 
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
Over the weekend we went to London. Arrived at Nan and Grandads at 2, then we all went out for a meal at 7:30. We went to this gorgeous sea food restaurant, very expensive too. My Father's main course alone was £50. It was all delicious. And, over the course of the dinner my Nan, Grandad and Aunt decided we should all go to Egypt together next year. They plan to take me snorkalling, sailing, scuba diving ect. ect. Being a water baby, I'm gonna love it!

Then Sunday we went to Brighton to see my other Grandad, and his partner of 14 years. I was a bit nervous. I have only spoken to Lizzie once in this 14 years, and once she'd introduced herself she ignored me, even as I asked how she was ect. I needn't have been nervous. We all got along fine. Lizzie's really nice if you give her a chance, and she took a shine to us too. She gave us some money each. We all took a stroll down to Brighton Pier. I didn't manage to find "MunchBox" though.

Then, we left to come home, and stopped off at Oxford services. As we pulled in, a pink limo pulled in front of the car we were behind. Jokingly I said to my brother "Look, it's Chantelle's limo" as in Chantelle, the essex girl Big Brother winner. On her dating show she drives around in a pink limo. Then, the car in front of us moved, and I saw the reg. plate. As it turned out, it actually WAS Chantelle's limo. MIS PNK being the reg. plate. I walked over to the limo once both of our cars had parked and the driver was filling it up with petrol. Then I took a picture of the license plate...which he charged me a kiss for.

Hmmm, then I woke up this morning, and watched my daily installment of Shipwrecked. By the time I got down the stairs, tension from yesterday had not been lifted (we had a huge row) so my Mum basically spent about an hour, before I'd said a word telling me what an evil bitch I am and how shit her life is. She believes she's the only one that hurts. There's only so many times you can have the same insults thrown at you before you start to really believe them. It tears me apart. Sometimes I can feel really confident, if I'm with my friends or something... other times I feel like curling up so tight that I might just disappear.

Then me and John went up the park with my Mum's friend's children. I ended up smashed in the face by the ball.

Tomorrow we're taking Aidan (my nephew) to a cute farm. I can't wait.

Another thing. Do you ever suddenly realise you have to completely let go of something or someone? I had one of those moments today. Pfft. And away we go.

Some people are too serious to do casual. They should work that out, and work out that casual is all that's happening before they get hurt.
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Jose Gonzalez- All you deliver
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
OK, so that actually has NO relevance to everything else, but Madge is doing her concert, so she needed to be broadcasted.

Right, I woke up this morning, happy because I'd just had one of the coolest dreams in the world. I won't go into detail, but man it rocked! Anyhoo, then after much showering, hair drying and hair straightening, I went to the Winters, AGAIN! BUT, no-one was there. Well, people were there, but no-one I wanted to see. Ah well.

I also went to see The Break-Up, starring the lovely Jennifer Anniston. It had me in tears- twice. (OK, three times, but shhh)I won't ruin the plot, but there's one scene where Jen (Brooke) is sat on the bed crying, and I had tears sliding down my cheeks before I even noticed them. Ha, but there's also a scene where you see her running. if anyone has seen the episode of Friends in which Pheobe and Rachel fall out over the way they run, you may get flash-backs at this moment. me and my Mum, who kindly went with me, both looked at each other and laughed. Whoops!

Ah well. Life is so messed up.
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
01 August 2006 @ 01:13 am
Sorry
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
30 July 2006 @ 02:10 am
You guard yourself from the people you guess will hurt you, like the guy you're in love with- who has a reputation for hurting people. You do however forget the one thing everyone on this planet should always remember;

At some point, every single person WILL stab you in the back.

I just can't believe it though. To let me ramble on about how much I like him, knowing you'd been all over him the last two days.

If that's what friends do nowadays, I'd hate to see what it's like to be an enemy.

**()**

I never thought it could be like this. You believe some people will always be there for you. Hell, maybe your worries sharpen their blade
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
30 July 2006 @ 12:12 am
The inevitable has happened. Ruben has found out Izzy cheated on him.

I feel so bad. I'm trying to offer support and comforting advice, but, I've known about it for ages.
 
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
'Cause I could never control when the bomb would explode. My God I love you, I mean forever, I left my body behind to break the news. I guess it's over. Please remember all of the things I never got a chance to say. Like, you look smashing in your 4th grade picture, the one which we hung by the door, in our house which was so beautiful, our little home.

**********

That's a singer called Rocky Votolato. The song's called "Suicide Medicine" and is FANTASTIC, sad yes, but fantastic!

My Dad's met another woman.

Mum's always been insecure, all through her life, because she's never had anything she knew would last forever, not as a child anyway. Her whole family was back to front and she was looking after everyone by the age of about twelve. I think it was her Dad walking out on them, it's made her afraid that every man in her life is going to do the same.

My Dad always promised he'd take away all her insecurities, that she'd never have to doubt him, because with him she'd always come first and he'd always be honest with her. Since then Mum's found out Dad's speaking to a random woman online "lovelylady1969" LOVELY? Does she not realise she's wrecking a marriage?

So far Dad claims it's innocent, just two people talking... but he won't stop talking to her, and she keeps sending messages, one after the other, and he returns them too. I haven't read any, but I wonder the content.

I'm so scared that my parents are going to split. It was their 16th wedding anniversary yesterday, and they're hardly speaking.

*********

Then there's me. I want Rocky back. I see no way of doing this, but I know it's all I want
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Rocky Votolato-Suicide Medicine
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
Rocky ended it. Finito.

You know, all I want from him, is a hug
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
03 July 2006 @ 06:48 pm
Hello people and sorry for neglecting you, my fantastically beautiful little journal which i love and adore...

Umm, I'm trying to think of something to report. Well, I have Rocky, I guess I can report that. Yeh that started just over a week ago and all is good, except we're unsure of whether his friend hates me or not, so we'll see.. hehehe But then again, I have a huge, mega-amazing master plan in which me, Rocky, him and Loz (because I love you more than I could say) go to Alton Towers, and I show that I'm actually mega cool.

Someone please teach me before then how to be mega cool!!!!

I have a weird Earn to learn course tomorrow, so if you're lucky I'll report on that. Oh and I'm annoyed at Ruben. He was supposed to text me when they played Otherside at the Chillis concert last night, but he didn't, so now I will take away his minutely portion of Lard.

yep, that's all. Love ya xxx
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: hehehe Bewitched-Ce La Vie
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
Righto…I think testament to yesterday I need a very long and waffly entry, so forgive me if you find this boring. To me it won’t be, because it was all very funny. Hmmm… So I got up early and caught the train. I had to switch at Hereford and was scared, but luckily my friends Mary and Tina who like to eat food guided me towards where my train was. Anyway, so I was stood at the platform and some guy came over to me, a guy I didn’t know, and asked me if I was going to Newport. I gave as brief an answer as is possible, but he carried on trying to speak to me. Anyway, a long twenty minutes later the train came. I was free of scary man! OR SO I THOUGHT. He followed me all the way along the train and sat opposite me. So I was sat with him and two Irish women around a table. The Irish women were lovely though. Then the scary guy got off, and this other guy sat down. He was Irish, ginger and fat…and spat when he talked. SCARY XD he said that he hated the English, and said some very rude things about us Englishons, before I turned to him and said “hey, I’m from England.” Mwahaha, he soon shut up then!

Tee hee, then I finally got off the train, and whilst being ambushed by a swarm of red (People in red rugby shirts supporting Munsters) I tried to spot Krissy. That was scary. I’d only seen a couple of pictures, and the more I tried to think of what she looked like the less I remembered. Tee hee. Then I saw someone around my age, leant against a barrier thingy, holding a rainbow bag and wearing cons and I immediately thought “KRISSY!”

Tee hee, then we found Fran, suffocated her in a group huggle and caught the bus to Cardiffff bay. (After Krissy had demolished a banana, splattered us all in the remains and then chucked the peel away in a home-like fashion-as in her home, the Chav! Tee hee) We went to the random placey thing, and we went into a mini exhibition thingy and made a willy out of random stick-on paddy spot things. Okay, so I started that, but it was Krissy’s idea!!! Then we hugged some poles and went to the Dr Who Exhibition.

The Dr Who exhibition was funny. We did a quiz and got 13/14…and it was Fran’s fault we got that one wrong! Fancy not knowing the Dr Who magazine back to front!!! And we got branded Dr Who fanatics and given funky bracelets. (Okay, they were strips of paper so we could get back in, but they rawked!) Ummm, and I sniffed David Ten-Inch’s PJs! Yay! Then Fran made the HUGE mistake of buying a David T figurine. We spent the rest of the day fighting over David. Tee hee. David had lots of fun. He did the Y.M.C.A with our help, went on a bus, swam in a fountain, flew in a government building, sat in the BB diary room chair, walked in Cardiff bay and had his groin sniffed! XD I think it’s quite safe to say we shouldn’t mention that much!

Weeeee and we went into the new government building. We had to go through security. I got in fine, but Fran’s bag had to be checked, and Krissy had to be searched, because her belt made it go off, the silly sausage! Krissy also shoved David into her bag, and whilst going through they saw him, and the manny said “Who still plays with Dollys?” and we all giggled. Tee hee, then we sat in the government building, but my balloon popped slightly and it sounded like a gun going off and everyone got really scared. I’m surprised we didn’t have people hiding under tables. Then there was a groovy Dr Who-esque lift to get down onto the first floor… But Fran and Krissy couldn’t work out how to do it. Krissy asked it nicely. She said “Lift…can you come here please?” Then I used my super intelligent powers to press a button and get the lift to come! Tee hee. So we got in the lift, then we had to go through these amazingly cool barrier things. But I wanted to go back through, just to see them work again because they looked like magic… and the alarm went BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ so we ran out the GOVERNMENT building giggling. It was a little scary! Then we took some photos and tried to get the bus back to Cardiff town… But we ended up somehow going round twice, which was clever! Tee hee. Then we decided to get some chips, but the man thought we were French and was rambling at us in French. Twas tres amusant! OOH, then I spotted a lady who may well have been THE Lilia Copilova! I just squealed, but didn’t want to run after her and scare her.

So we ate our chips and then Fransta had to go, so me and Krissy went to Forbidden Planet on our own. There were lots more David-esque things. Ooooooh….I forgot to mention the relevance of the number seven million! Ah well! That was the number of the day anyhoo… Then we had to get our trains. I ended up sat alone on the way to Hereford. Then at Hereford I met some lads who were in their twenties, which was fun! They were Munsters fans, so were slightly tipsy. A sat with them all the way back to Worcester, and then because my train was early, I went to the pub with them. It was very funny. They were offering me vodka. Tee hee!

Anyway, that was Cardiff. I just want to say thanks to fransta_oddbean and jiggery_pokery of which I love lots for a fantastically fun day! Ooooh and one last thing…. David’s groin smells of plastic!

Verity. xxx

P.S I am David Ten-Inch who signed the book in the exhibition. |I mentioned sniffing of pyjamas… whoops.
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: None, but BBLB is on
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
08 May 2006 @ 05:17 pm
OK so Emilie asked me nicely to write a story about rabbits. Here goes…

There was once a nice little bunny called Rosita. Now Rosita really was a nice little bunny, but she tended to get too caught up on guys. She found herself accidentally in love with a rabbit called Ronnie. Ronnie rabbit was a bad rabbit though. He was forever getting with the lady rabbits and using them, or hurting them, or going off with their best friends (rabbits of course) AND yet. Rosita still loved him. She couldn’t help it. She wasn’t sure whether it was his confidence, the complexity of him, his sense of humour or even just the way he looked which drew her to him. All she knew was that he had something no other rabbit possessed, the ability to make Rosita like putty or a puppet, and he was the master. Ronnie had also been with Rhada rabbit for a while. They were forever splitting up but he’d always beg her to take him back, even using emotional blackmail to force her to. Ronnie liked to flirt. A lot. He especially liked flirting with Rosita rabbit who he was aware liked him, but as to what extent he would never know.

But Ronnie wasn’t the only rabbit for Rosita, although he was her master, and she the puppet. Rosita also liked Roger rabbit. Now Roger rabbit had been a close friend of Rosita’s for a long long time and she enjoyed talking to him. She felt she could tell him anything. Then one day, they visited Bunnyville and, sat on a loveboat which ducked under a pretty bridge, they became a little more than friends, but only a little.

Then Rosita was confused. What was she to do? She liked both of these rabbits, and couldn’t choose. She was drawn to one path, but the big juicy carrot lied down the other one. She felt she couldn’t win.

STAY TUNED FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF BUNNYMANIA (When I’ve found the will to live)
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Nirvana-Smells like teen spirit
 
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
Okay. I'm happy. Don't ask why, because I'm not saying, but I'm happy today.

Just phoned the gym and they're contacting me later, which means me and Lowz will get to FINALLY do my Media coursework. That means Clutterbuck will get off my back.. (which is relevant considering it's Clutterbuck)

Oh and Loz, I love you more now than ever! You rock my socks! XD Marry me Lozza!

Oooooh I just made myself a cup of hot choccy with squirty cream and powder. Yum yum! DEL-ISH-IO

Oh and one last thing before I go, yesterday "The Way We Were" was on!!! I love K..K...k...Katie. She's great... but I love Hubble too. He's a little sweetheart. I wish they'd stayed together, but both knew it wasn't working, and K...k...k...katie tried hard to make him stay, but in the end it was inevitable... and I cried at the end when K...k...k...Katie saw them outside the Plaza, and she goes over, strokes his hair away from his face and says "Your girl is lovely Hubble" Awwwwwwww... and then she starts singing "Memories, from the corners of my mind, misty water-coloured memories of the way we were...." OK, I lead a sad life.... but it was great!
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: bouncyHappy hoppy hippy
Current Music: Blink 182- I miss you
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
03 May 2006 @ 07:13 pm
I guess I should update.. So here goes… Just where to start from really.

Well, On Sunday my sister Kayleigh came over with her fiancé and kids, Erin (10 months) and Aidan (nearly 3 years). It was great. I had lots of Erin hugs, which is unusual because of course my sister usually forbids me from going within about a seventy mile radius of the kids. Aidan came over and was sat perched on my knee for a while, and I sat by him at dinner and everything else. All was good. In fact, me and Kayleigh have been closer this past few weeks. I really hope things are changing between us two. I hate how we’ve been for the last fifteen years of my life. I literally have about three good memories of her, and they’re stupid things, like making Mud pie (as in the dessert) and her doing my hair for me… Anyway, now I kind of feel like I have a sister. We were just laughing and joking, spending time together.

Hmmm, then Monday was of course a Bank holiday, so we all went to Warwick castle. It was good fun. I pushed Erin around in the buggy and we watched sword-fights and the trebuchet and Birds of Prey. Ha, and we were all stood watching some people dressed as peasants trying feebly to sing, when my sister’s fiancé Nathan noticed that we had a celebrity among our midst. It turns out Chris Gaschoin, who played Corrie’s Peter Barlow was stood a couple of metres away from us with his wife and gorgeous, ginger kiddies. So we hunted around all of us for some paper and a pen but found neither, so I ended up sprinting to the ice-cream stall to borrow a pen, and asking him nicely if he’d mind signing something for me…and handed over the schedule for Warwick castle! Awww, and he said I had all his love, which was cute. (I have a bit of a crush on him. He’s very charismatic and attractive in person)

Then after Warwick castle we went to KFC, where we managed to lose Aidan. My sister just turned round and panicking asked where Aidan was. I went sprinting through the service station, and found him. I knew where he’d be. There was a little model of the site which he’d gone to look at on the way in. I was almost sure he’d just gone back to there, and he had. I was so scared though. It would kill me if anything happened to my Aidan.

Right, then Tuesday… I managed to miss the bus, couldn’t get to school so ended up staying home and watching shows like Loose Women and Hope and Faith… how very educational.

Which brings me on to how I’m feeling today.. Okay basically I’m depressed and confused. It seems I’m drifting apart from so many of my friends, and I hate it. Fran in particular. I just feel like however hard I try some thing is lost and I can’t get it back. This is with a few of my friends. I always rely on my friends to be there if ever I need them, if ever I’m about to fall or something. Now, they haven’t done anything to make me believe this, but I’m beginning to suspect that maybe if I fell back and allowed them to catch me, one or two might hesitate a while before supporting.

And then as for guys, I don’t know what to do…

There’s one guy I love more than anything. I’d give the world and everything in it just to be with him, even if I could only be with him for a week, or a day or less. I love and adore him and I’ve no reason to. He treats so many people like their worthless. He shows off about how great he is, then pries for compliments with his ‘I’m ugly’ phrases, which are ridiculous. He knows who he is. He’s the guy every other guy wants to be, and every girl to be with. The ground turns to gold as soon as his feet touch the cobbles. Dark skies turn to blue with a simple smile.

Anyway, then there’s another guy, and I’ve not really let on exactly how much I like him. I’m crazy about him, absolutely crazy. This will be probably the time when my friend realises just how much I like him, not anywhere near as much as the first guy, but still a great deal. I’m trying to get my friend with him though (what is it with me trying to set people up?) I know they’d be perfect for each other, and besides, she needs and deserves some happiness. I wouldn’t get with him anyway. There’s too much at stake, whereas, with her it would be so simple, exactly what she needs.

Then there’s another. I like him, but as of now I hardly get to see him at all, and things are a tad awkward anyway since we got drunk and, I think, kissed. I don’t know what it is I like about him, but it’s there…

I’m stopping there. There are other guys I like, but there’s problems with but several of you can’t hear about those, so let’s not! Righty-ho, that was long and boring!

Oh and Loz, I love you honey!

Verity xxx
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: None
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
27 April 2006 @ 12:52 am
Had the Kaiser Chief concert tonight. Fran kindly met me from the station, so I was very happy, as that meant we didnt get lost...OK too lost! =P Then we walked, I say walked I was skipping, dancing, singing and running whilst making up my own words to Kaiser Chief's tune... "Ooooh, my name is Verity, being with me is quite scary. Winnie the pooh is a beary, Tinkerbell is a fairy..." Anyway, so we arrived, and queued up for a little while, then went in. Anyway, so we were all relatively close to the front. (All being me, Fran, her brother and his friend) Pah... and then this chinese band came out, and they looked like a cross between Hair bear Bunch and Power Rangers. Fran liked them though. Oooooooh but THE most amazing thing. There were balloons! The balloons were crowd-surfing!!

Hmmm, then Graham Cox came on and did his set. He's one of my husbands. I married him. I fell in love with him and married him. Yay! Then after his set we had a long break so me and Russ went to get water for everyone, which meant squeezing through the crowd, which proved difficult. We ended up surrounded by big beefy men who tried to push us out of the way. Then we got seperated, leaving me on my own. I tried ringing my phone but no-one picked up (I'd given my phone to one of the gang to look after) Then I rang home, all from this very kind woman's phone. She was lovely. Anyway, I didnt find the gang again. BUT, I went inside again and I ended up stood next to this really tall guy who had not just been seperated from his friends like me, but had also lost a shoe. Hmmm, so we ended up standing dancing together. Twas great fun. And he pushed me into a big gap where there were no people, and made sure I had the perfect view. Then, he gave me another shove in a different direction, and I ended up a couple of metres away from where Frontman Ricky Wilson was stood singing. Then after the song he pushed through the crowd, walked straight past me, so I basically reached out a hand and touched him. I TOUCHED RICKY WILSON!!

Kaisers were fantastic though, and however broken and battered we all got it was a great atmosphere, and great fun.

Right.... I'm off to bed now before I die of lack-of-sleep. Night xxx
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: crazyHyper hyper hyper
Current Music: None, my head is pounding
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
Off to London tomorrow. I'm quite scared actually of getting the train on my own. I shall charge my mobile and iPod and keep myself occupied. I may even take a notebook and write a story. I don't know what it is about trains but they give me so much inspiration. Ah well, it's London, so it'll be well worth it. I love it. I love the hustle and bustle of the busy streets, the mix of culture, the noise, the intensity and the sheer excellence of it. It's unlike any other place I've been to, and I'm proud to say it's home. (Of course, I don't actually live there any more but it's still home)

There's one thing on my mind... There's this little group, well we were once a group, of three of us. I lost contact with one person for a while. Now they've got ties, ties I can't hope to mend and it seems that even when meet-ups have ties to me I'm still not invited. I feel so much like the third wheel, and I know it's oddly immature to say you feel left out but I suppose you can feel that at any time. Adults just dont openly say it, which is strange. Is that not the adult thing to do? Talk about problems and solve them?

Ah well...I'll update when I next can. Might be a while though what with London, and then school.
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Music: Embrace- Can't Come Down (the new Glorious Day)
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
17 April 2006 @ 12:37 pm
Okay sorry for the pitiful update yesterday. I was still in a state of shock. Right, so yesterday me, Mum, Dad, John, Sharon, Dave and Jodie went t Alton Towers. It was great fun. We got on Oblivion, Nemesis, Air, Corkscrew, Submission and saw the chocolate volcano erupt. For lunch we had zee good ol' KFC. We sat on this grassy bank and sat and ate. It was lovely. Anyway, so after a great day, I got home and went online, only to be told that Ruben had proposed to Izzy.

I was in so much shock that I forgot to breathe for a while. It hurt. I was practically winded, like I'd just been kicked in the stomach. It doesn't make any sense. A week ago they weren't even together. She'd broken it off and he was crying over her photo. Now this? It doesn't make any sense at all. They probably haven't even seen each other within the week. That's just how strange it is.

Lozza-wrenny is coming over tomorrow, and Aidan =(
(not sad about Lozza, but Aidan. He's SCARY)

OMG, I've just realized that I am now officially Carrie. My Mr. Big is engaged...
 
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
16 April 2006 @ 10:15 pm
Right, six words:

Ruben asked Izzy to marry him



enough said
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
13 April 2006 @ 09:36 pm
Why does everyone let you down? You know what, it's completely ridiculous. You ask for nothing but friendship and yet you get nothing, absolutely nothing in return. Aren't friendships supposed to be about being there for each other, having fun for each other but knowing that if need to be you can fall back and rely on that person to catch you? Then why does it feel firstly that these people would happily stand out of the way and watch you fall, and secondly that some people don't seem to trust you enough to allow you to catch them?

Okay so I'm ranting. No-one cares. Not one of you will probably even bother to read this, let alone bother to reply. That's the point, no-one really gives a damn. I feel like for some time I've been sat on thin ice, and it's been cracking for some time, and now I'm falling into the water. I try to pull myself out but it's scary, what I think is real turns out not to be.

That aside, Iz is fine. She came online. She's online now. Oh and Ruben's upset and won't talk to me about it. Doesn't trust me.
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
I have severe paranoia right now and it's driving me insane.

Okay so there's some strange man upstairs that I don't know. (He's here to do our bathroom) Everyone thinks I'm this great big confident person, but when it comes to having strange men in the house that I don't know, when I'm all alone then I have a FEW (major understatement) insecurities.

But I'm so paranoid at the minute anyway. I swear all my friends secretly hate me. I'm sure Sophie and the rest of that lot are happy that I couldn't go today. It's stupid and foolish but it's the way I'm feeling. You know when you just don't believe the fact that these people actually like you and enjoy your company? Instead you think they're saying things behind your back, telling people things you told them in private, making up excuses as to why they can't see you, for the fourth consecutive time, glad that you can't turn up to ruin days they've been looking forward to for God knows how long. Does anyone else ever get like that?

My good pal Lozza (love you honey) came over yesterday. We spent the day plotting revenge, murder, stuffing our faces with chocolate, making Ruben sandwiches (which we split with Carrie), having political 'debate's with Joe, watching relevant episodes of Sex And The City, watching Dennis die...AGAIN and also varnishing the laminate flooring with raspberry ripple squash. =D A very enjoyable day! And I think it is quite safe to say that I have converted my sceptical friend Lozza into a Tish fan devoted to watching Tishy for hours at a time, five brownie points for me.

In other 'news', Ruben is back with Izzy. I of course am happy for him. I hated seeing him upset, especially crying and now he's happy.

Ooooh and I just risked watching an interview with David Tennant and Billie Piper. 'Unfortunately' Billie didn't turn up. What a shame. Awwww ickle David. He sure is lovely.

Oh, and the footy match. Hollyoaks won 6-0 and Chris Fountain took his top off. YUM! I got some autographs too. Ryan Thomas (Jason in Corrie), Danny Young (Warren in Corrie), The guys who play Adam in Corrie, Craig and Tony in Hollyoaks....and my lovely little Chris Fountain who of course plays Justin in Hollyoaks. Awwwwww

I feel the need to say again here... THERE IS A STRANGE, MIDDLE-AGED MAN IN MY HOUSE AND I'M SCARED!!

Love ya. Verity xx

P.S- Congratulations to 'Oh My God' Chantelle and Preston on their engagement, and so Gwyneth, Chris and Apple on the new introducement of Moses into their family. (Ha)
 
 
Current Location: Home, with a scary man
Current Mood: scaredno, not scared, petrified
Current Music: Ruben Seabright-Ready to fall (sorry Loz)
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
09 April 2006 @ 08:25 am
Right, I haven't updated for a while, naughty me. The reason I haven't well I don't understand myself. Anyway, yesterday was Mum's birthday, so the day was supposed to be completely for her. Her day. If you ask me it's her day every other day. "I hardly ever get Saturdays off, and the ones I do have you're all spoiling by existing" Pah, anyway, yesterday was her birthday. So after dishing out prezzys and winning one pound twelve on the national (Clan Royal! Woooo) Sprog was on the computer. I wanted to check and see if Clairey was online to arrange this footy thing (I still need to choose a side. Hollyoaks or Corrie?) so sprog tried to trip me up, failed miserable so I kicked his foot out of the way. Dad, seeing this decided to hit me. Anyway, so I get online, am speaking to Claire and Dad's trying to hurry me up. "Are you finished yet? Come on, hurry up!" Then he decided I was ignoring him so turned the computer off, grabbbed me by the neck and gave me a shove. I fell into the door. Then I was expected, after all of this to go out for a meal to 'celebrate'. Then all hell broke loose. Everyone was crying and no-one wanted to go for this stupid meal.

Then we went anyway, 'putting it behind us'. Dad made his usual "I'm going to try hard not to lose my temper with you, and you have to try and not give me as much attitude yeh?" Pah, I know next time there's an argument he'll hit me. It's not exactly rocket science. Anyway, so I came to the conclusion that because it was 'Mum's day' I'd pretend that his weak apology meant something and we'd all sit round a table with false grins painted in stage make-up on our faces. Pah, but I forgot one thing. Whilst we were sat eating a limo pulled up outside. I came out with some comment along the lines of "It's no-one interesting. No-one interesting ever comes around here." And then we all remembered that the Hollyoaks cast and Coronation Street cast were due to be clubbing down the road from where we were eating. I spent the rest of the meal staring out of the window looking out for people...and you know who I saw?! Sarah Dunn, AKA Mandy from Hollyoaks.

Now I can't wait to go to the match today....if only I could figure out what to wear
 
 
Current Location: |Home
Current Mood: hyperhyper
Current Music: None...
 
 
"Your girl is lovely Hubble"
06 April 2006 @ 12:35 am
Right, the rest of my day. I broke into tears in drama and for a while I couldn't see why, then I realized it was just stress. Seriously, it's been building up for what seems like forever and I've had no-where at all to vent it to because it seems to be that nothing helps, nothing takes it all away, nothing even begisn to make sense of it all. So I walked out of the classroom and who should I bump into but my Art teacher. She guided me into an empty room and we both sat down and we talked. She helped me see everything that I've been doing wrong. She wasn't patronizing in any way, shape or form. She treated me as if we were equals. She made me realize some really valuable things. It turns out, in her words "The world is quite forgiving" and it made sense.

Had the spring concert tonight. No, I missed something out. I went on MSN and Ruben was online. I asked how he was and he said he wasn't too good. I asked why and he told me he'd tell me later. Anyway, we had this spring concert. We weren't on until the very last which meant we had to sit and watch the rest of the concert, but sat sandwiched between my pal Lozza (love you honey) and Ruben I felt very comfortable. So, sat watching various orchestras and things and he was sat flicking through his phone, stopping at pictures of Izzy and crying, literal tears rolling down his face. Of course, I'd gathered what was wrong, but still, being a friend I asked. He didn't want to tell me.

I've come to the conclusion that he thinks that I'd be happy about them splitting. It's so wrong. Yes I love him, but more than anythign I want him happy. he deserves happiness so much. I can't make him be with me and be happy. It breaks my heart to see those tears.
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: sympatheticnot for me, for Ruben
Current Music: None. I'm listening to the silence of the sleeping house