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07 November 2012 @ 03:48 pm
Uni life  
I wanted to go to University, earn a good degree, take that to teaching and set up a life for myself and Connor. This was my aim. I did not foresee that when I started my course I would find a man of which would somehow catch my attention. I was sworn off men. I didn't think it were possible. And yet I did. So I told him how I felt for him, feeling that it was coming between us. He told me he was interested too, that I was the most amazing girl he'd ever met and that he was only not wanting a relationship because he wanted to concentrate on his studies. I was in the same situation, so I got it though obviously it still felt like a sort of rejection. Then all of a sudden he started acting really coupley; sending mushy texts saying how happy I was making him, putting his arm around me, pulling me onto his lap, snuggling up close, holding my hand, stroking my knee... We'd be talking and there would be that buzz, that moment right before a kiss, but the kiss was redirected and he'd kiss my cheek or my forehead. I thought he was changing his mind.

He wasn't. He told me that he'd started acting that way to comfort me. whatever that means. But you can fake many things in life... that moment, where I felt the chemistry between us and knew he wanted to kiss me. That was real. It can't be faked. And now he's ignoring me, acting as though I'm not there. In group situations etc he is phasing me out, not laughing at my jokes when I say them, but liking when others quote the same joke afterwards. Not looking at me at all when we're all talking, and yet watching me in lectures when I'm sat away from him. It literally makes no sense. And it hurts. LOTS! So what do I do?? What can I do, to make him see what he's doing, and react in a more normal way? Fuck it...in truth, I still want him to decide he does want me afterall.
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