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06 April 2006 @ 12:35 am
Goodness gracious great balls of...  
Right, the rest of my day. I broke into tears in drama and for a while I couldn't see why, then I realized it was just stress. Seriously, it's been building up for what seems like forever and I've had no-where at all to vent it to because it seems to be that nothing helps, nothing takes it all away, nothing even begisn to make sense of it all. So I walked out of the classroom and who should I bump into but my Art teacher. She guided me into an empty room and we both sat down and we talked. She helped me see everything that I've been doing wrong. She wasn't patronizing in any way, shape or form. She treated me as if we were equals. She made me realize some really valuable things. It turns out, in her words "The world is quite forgiving" and it made sense.

Had the spring concert tonight. No, I missed something out. I went on MSN and Ruben was online. I asked how he was and he said he wasn't too good. I asked why and he told me he'd tell me later. Anyway, we had this spring concert. We weren't on until the very last which meant we had to sit and watch the rest of the concert, but sat sandwiched between my pal Lozza (love you honey) and Ruben I felt very comfortable. So, sat watching various orchestras and things and he was sat flicking through his phone, stopping at pictures of Izzy and crying, literal tears rolling down his face. Of course, I'd gathered what was wrong, but still, being a friend I asked. He didn't want to tell me.

I've come to the conclusion that he thinks that I'd be happy about them splitting. It's so wrong. Yes I love him, but more than anythign I want him happy. he deserves happiness so much. I can't make him be with me and be happy. It breaks my heart to see those tears.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: sympatheticnot for me, for Ruben
Current Music: None. I'm listening to the silence of the sleeping house
Laurensugarwren on April 6th, 2006 07:04 am (UTC)
Why do you have so many morals? I'd be far too bitchy to want that for a guy. Aw V, you're such an angel.

L xxx